3 Tips for Effective Use of Silence in Therapy

Are you comfortable sitting in silence with your clients?

New and experienced counselors, alike, may feel awkward or a little anxious when silence falls on the therapy room. You may feel unsure of how to respond if a client isn’t responding or takes a long pause.

What do I say next? Do I ask another question? What are they thinking?? Is this not going well?

Silence is the absence of speaking, but it is not an absence of communication or engagement. You have likely been taught how to observe the nonverbal communication of your clients. This is even more valuable during moments of silence. Silence can occur for many different reasons, but we should be careful about over-interpreting the meaning behind the silence. If you experience some discomfort or are unsure of how to respond to silence in the therapy room, consider the following 3 tips for effective use of silence.

But first, what does it mean when your client is silent?

Like with many questions about therapy, the answer is: It depends!

Researchers have tried to summarize the reasons for silence. They categorized silence as indicative of defense, connection, and withdrawal (Acheson & Avdi, 2023). However, they caution against limiting ourselves to these categories since there are so many reasons for silence. Silence is so difficult to interpret because its’ meaning differs depending on the client and the circumstances. It could mean that they are very uncomfortable or that they are completely comfortable in our presence. Silence can be a sign of a strong rapport (Sharpley et al., 2005). If a client is comfortably sitting in silence with us, reflecting on their thoughts and emotions- that’s usually a good sign. If silence is not typical for the client, then it can be a sign that something is not right and we should acknowledge the unusual presence of silence and learn more.

3 Tips

Be intentional with your use of silence. A moment of silence is not your excuse to daydream or turn your brain off. You should consistently observe your client’s behavior, considering how and when to respond. Sometimes this means resisting the urge to respond at all. If you don’t feel confident about your ability to effectively use silence, then don’t stress. The use of silence in therapy is something that experienced therapists have reported they do more now than when they first began their careers (Hill et al., 2003). It may take some time for you to truly feel comfortable sitting in silence with your clients. Take note of some recommendations for when to use or avoid silence listed in table below.
Avoid terminating a silence that was initiated by the client. Avoid ending a moment of silence by asking another question (Sharpley et al., 2005). If your client stops talking, there is a reason. They could be thinking of what to say next. They could be considering how vulnerable to be with you or deciding whether to finally disclose a detail they have kept buried deep in their memories. They could be in their feelings or tearful. Allow them to initiate the talking again when they are ready. Sitting with someone in silence can be a powerful display of empathy and support.
Observe changes in silence. For clients who are usually talkative, frequent silence during a session can be a sign that something is different and it could be helpful to acknowledge the change in behavior and inquire further. Your question could open the door to something the client was struggling to disclose on their own. Even if the client shrugs it off as nothing – being tired, not having anything new to report, etc. – the fact that you noticed the change can show them that you care enough to notice slight changes in their behavior.

When to Use Silence

When you have a strong rapport with client
When client is brainstorming (Hill et al., 2003)
After an open-ended question to allow client to reflect (Hill et al., 2003)
When you need a moment to gather your own thoughts before responding
When silence is initiated by the client (Sharpley et al., 2005)

When to Avoid Silence

During beginning of initial interview (Sharpley et al., 2005)
If client is paranoid or has a history of silence being used as a punishment (Hill et al., 2003)
If client may misunderstand the silence (Hill et al., 2003)

Final Thoughts

Addressing silence is an embodiment of the art of therapy. We can learn as much as possible from the science, but that will only prepare us to a point. Hopefully these 3 tips help you feel a little bit more confident in your response to silence. Trust your gut and the therapeutic relationship you have built with your client. And use any missteps as opportunities for continued learning and growing.